A Moral for mobile users on a train

“Hello” shouts Loud Woman (LW) into her mobile with an upward inflection. After a short pause, “I’m on the train”, this even louder. Another pause then, “Yeah, can’t talk, carriage full o’ people. I’ll be home in twenty minutes.”

LW is now listening intently but interjects randomly, and still unnecessarily loudly, with “Can’t be!”, short laughter burst then, “She wouldn’t!”, inward gasp of breath, “Huh” and then “Nooo!” and so it continues.

I see the faces and body language of fellow passengers betraying their thoughts about her. Some adjectives visually audible include: Ignorant, thoughtless, arrogant, ill-mannered, ill-bred, boorish.

Finally, LW states in decibels allied to a megaphone,
“Have you told her to stop?” This is immediately countered with impeccable timing by the words
“I wish you’d bloody stop!” There is instant laughter; from short “Ha’s” to one woman’s belly laugh and accompanying tears; a few people clapping; several people stunned into a heightened silence; and others shuffling in their seats whispering.

The man who spoke – a carriage hero to many, is seated two rows behind LW. She looks around the carriage, appearing unsure why the atmosphere has changed and mirth is in the air. Her face then contorts and shoulders rise towards her tensing neck as she realises the comment is directed at her; the stares, laughter, claps, all for her. She tries to look behind but cannot turn. She is hemmed in by her ample frame, limited in flexibility and the equally large man seated next to her. He looks at her smiling. She is deciding whether he is trying to be polite, or enjoying the joke in her face.

LW’s expression now speaks louder than she does. Shall I continue talking? What do I say? Should I be angry? Who with? The audience viewing this free, live, impromptu play is hooked. They are all wondering: What will she do next?
“I’ll call you back!” says LW finally and in a lower tone. There is an inaudible but perceptible collective sigh.

Oh but that this would be the end of the matter for LW. Instead, her mobile rings and it’s even louder than her voice. The ring tone is ‘The Birdy Song'.
“Oh dear God!” shouts Carriage Hero. The captive audience love it and roar with laughter. LW fumbles with her mobile in both hands, as if it’s a hot potato and quickly cancels the call. She then fumbles with it some more, I suspect to turn off the power.

At the next stop LW alights. To her credit she does this with a certain coolness and dignity (I could not see from where I was seated whether she scanned faces for her nemesis). This cool exterior, however, is soon identified as false, for once the doors close and the train pulls away, a fellow passenger is overheard by some and then whispers around the carriage follow, confirming
“That’s not her stop. She’s got another two to go.”

There are, arguably, several morals to this tale for regular commuters. Surely, though, the most crucial is: The ‘Birdy Song’ must never, ever, be used as a ringtone!!