Thursday 9 May 2013

Feeling Ok – introspective rambling




I'm drifting on the train, sitting back, no particular thoughts. But something changes.

I know where I am but momentarily feel lost. There’s a carriage full of people but, somehow, I’m alone. It’s bright outside and the temperature's warm but I come over chilly. Everyone is quiet, peaceful even, comfortably reading or dozing. So why do I have an uneasy fear?

I tell myself how (relatively) healthy I am and confident coping with the general stuff of life. As the journey and time pass I remind myself how I am used to them; these ... mini-conflicts I randomly, unwittingly, ignite in myself.

Thing is; I’ve talked to myself this way all my life! It’s like I simultaneously know who I am and yet want to know who I really am! Yes, you and me also!

I wish I knew myself more precisely; truly realised my qualities and limitations, and what more I am capable of doing to achieve higher contentment.

I stop drifting, open my eyes and look out of the window. I’m sitting relaxed, smily. The sun hasn’t shone this bright for a long time. The world outside appears lighter. Today feels like I do on one of my good days!



Ps. My hardy reader will be pleased to know that I won’t be writing introspectives often! :-)